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Red Silk Threads
because there is a reason behind every meeting
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12th-Dec-2008 12:07 am - Something on Multiply that I like...
Kureha - Kuon
You're able to specify the types of relationships you have with people and are able to get specific/direct to the point than use that overused 'friend'.

At least that way you know who's who on your list.

Or something like that.

Just a random thought.

I realize the word 'friend' is a serious issue around here and brings to light a real question of the hour:

'Just who are your friends anyway?'

That's all.
24th-Oct-2008 04:12 am - Hair... Hair... Hair...
Fei Long - Addiction
I should be sewing right now. xD But I apparently found it boring to go on doing running stitches for my sock accessory ribbons. I'll get to it after I finish typing about this little thing and try to start on the ascot for my costume. I'm going to be cosplaying this Saturday (Today is Friday btw. xD) and I'm not quite done with my costume accessories just yet. X_x;

Shy of two months more left before I finally get my most coveted hairstyle from two years back. I've always wanted to get this to finally mark my start into a serious adherence into a particular fashion/subculture that I've always wanted to dive into but never got around to do so. (Money, 'bahala na' (postponement) and family interventions)

The want to have my hair cut has never been stronger till now.

Well the want has always been strong. Heck, even when my hair wasn't long enough yet, I had been whining about it to myself while I washed dishes how I wish my hair was long enough already so I can finally get it for real.

And now... It's somewhat ready, I can't have a hair cut. X_x;

The hair cut in question is called the princess/hime cut. It's the hair style donned by the female nobility back in the Heian period. Since there's just way too many variations of this style, I have yet to really choose what best fits me though I'm gravitating towards a particular one.

At the moment, my hair is waist length already. My asymmetric bangs I've had since February have grown and is now chin length. Not to mention curling inwards. O_o I think it's ready for such a style but I'd like it longer nonetheless... Just to be sure.

I'm a little frightened that it might not fit me after all. Despite it being my holy grail hairstyle up to now... (My ex-holy grail hairstyle used to be that of Lady Une when she was in her 'ambassador' mode XD) I'm not so mindful anymore of what my immediate family thinks since the last time I did that (and dismissed my own feelings, preferring to go with their judgment), I felt miserable and despised myself (and my hair >_>) Funny but it had been one of those 'climactic' moments in my life when I realized that you can't always try to please everyone; putting yourself aside in favor of others isn't always going to be the best thing or will make you happy; and that age does not guarantee wisdom. After I followed their advice, I did not like the results of it. I remember my sister going 'Oops. But it'll grow back' and my mom saying 'It doesn't matter what your opinion is of your appearance since those who look at you know better than you do'.

From then on, I decided that whatever I dress and put upon my person won't be influenced by them anymore. Or at least not as much. I don't want to be HS kid who used to depend on her older sister to dress her up and dictate her to become a fashion victim. Yes, that's true. My sister used to coordinate my clothes a lot before for me because I was just a kid to them anyway. :P I wore socks with sandals because they said it was okay. He he he.

...I still feel bitter when I look back at that event though.

Personally, I believe whatever beautification (or otherwise XD) you do to yourself should be something you really want to do to yourself. Something that'll make you feel good about yourself. There will be oopsies along the way but it can be fixed still. (Somehow... I wasn't too keen on this because I was so busy blaming my sister back then who justified that I liked my hair---though her account of me saying I liked my hair was from a year back when I voluntarily chose to chop off a lot of my hair, waist length at that time mind you. When I told her you're one year late/using a past event to justify the present, she went 'Oh well. I still think you look good.') You should want it too. (Yes, yes... I know it was a mistake to believe my sister upon this matter, to think I really don't trust her as much or respect her tastes since they're so... mainstream for me and then what? Oh crap... Stupid moment >_>;; Major...stupid moment) Although other people's opinions will come up, remember that you can't please everyone. Some people will think negatively of you and even ridicule your choices. It may hurt you because they're true or whatever cause but hey... What's done is done and let's just move on from there. Being affected and overly dependent on the opinions of others, for me, isn't healthy. You become a crowd pleaser and in that way, you'll never be happy.

I've always thought of getting a long black wig -akin to my hair length- so I can chop it off and check how it'll look on me. But thanks to my canvassing for wigs locally, I find that it's too expensive an experiment to try out. XD; Though my grown out bangs are somehow giving a hint of what sort of problems I'll be having and how it might be on my face. Not bad. Makes my face look longer.

With my current 'convenience' cosplay, I can't help but keep remembering my little hair dream since the character I'll be going as... Well her hair is a hime cut after all. ^^;; Only that she's blonde, European and fair skinned. But she has a pink and black hair color option. Considering I'm such a stickler for detail and accuracy, I find that my hair is really inadequate and wrong for this. Other than the fact, I have no idea what her moves are, name wise, and I'm simply doing random movements---and hopefully with force that'll (hopefully) look cool when asked for during the convention. X_x; (Me ranting about that particular cosplay is reserved for yet another entry if I feel the need to do so...) I want to get the hair right... I've been contemplating getting the hair just so I can satisfy my nitpicky nature only to realize that if I did tamper with my hair as it is now, it would compromise a future cosplay plan for December.

=_=; I should have chosen a character for this incoming event that wouldn't leave me in pins and needles because of inaccuracy.

Plan A did not work so I ended up going for Plan B which... turned out to be more of a monster than I expected it to be.

I keep telling myself that it's okay if I don't get the hime cut yet for this convention since this event is known for being lame (for it's four years of existence) and everything else that you don't want to happen at your local convention. : / And from the attendance last year, people going for accuracy was fairly low. So... I try to console myself with that, thinking that it wouldn't be so bad to look not to correct. Or that there have been others who have attempted the very same character and weren't such sticklers for detail and simply wore it anyway.

Not to mention, whenever I look at the mirror, I feel my hair's not long enough for the cut anyway.

X_x;;

Though one day, I will get that ever so coveted hair style.

And be serious about that fashion/subculture I've been wanting to be part of since HS.

Now... I should get back to converting my bias tape into working sock accessory ribbons for my cosplay tomorrow. I'm still not done after all.

Then move on to cutting little alfa gena squares for my 'mock' ascot ribbon. XD
23rd-Oct-2008 07:25 pm - Point of No Return: Blogging
Gackt - Alone
Back in the day... I remember blogging because pretty much everyone I knew also did it too. You could call it peer pressure. You could call it peer envy.

Maybe I was just too gullible when I was younger since when someone said something 'Hey, join us since it's fun', I'd get really enticed and go for it.

I always did try to get into whatever people suggested to me in the spirit of fun.

Up and until I lost interest in it. D:

Or something comes up that I'm no longer able to indulge myself in the the fun things being introduced to me.

In this case... It's about blogging.

I remember being told about the blog thing by HS peers. Back then, blogger/blogspot was the thing then. It was highly customizable. You could tinker with practically everything and anything. It was such that it was so highly DIY! There had to be codes to be placed for chatterbox and commenting functions then. But fun nonetheless. I just recently deleted my blogspot account though. >>; I had placed my real name there and it was so...embarrassing. The layout was so jurassic and the content... It was just A LOT of quizilla results. Man, I remember the days that you could have a dozen entries just for your random quiz results.
Then post all that, there was the BWAHAHAHA! regarding the results and all that. Like... 'I knew it!' or 'What?! No way!'. It was a peek into people's personalities that showed something we might already know or had yet to know.

I forgot how I eventually found myself into LJ though. It must have been someone's suggestion still. It was during college when I did so. Since I remember it was also around the time that most of my HS peers also migrated there. ^^;

My first username was my birthday. IN NUMBERS.

A lot of people didn't like it since well... They were numbers. But it made it all the more easier for me to remember really.

I can still remember my first layout. It was so lame and easy really. Something I ripped from GITS: Innocence. Later on it was changed to something Vagrant Story like...

Then I don't know anymore. xD I remember a Mathias moment. Later on and up to now we have Dante. Yum.

...Like every other journal, I abandoned that one eventually.

1. A stalker was reading it.

2. I didn't want to unfriend someone/s I didn't like thanks to some personal agenda from people I met from certain fandoms. Most especially this one really. xD

3. I think I was starting to have a fall out with blogging. D:

I miss my old journal really. The username was way cool. Even if I didn't like my birthday numbers or obsessed about it like 'Tis my lucky number/etc', it was giggle factor for me to look at people's profiles and see numbers stand out from the friends. It's definitely not something easy to forget.

Made a new one and the third reason was becoming more apparent more than ever why I don't blog anymore these days.

Considering my usual factors why I stopped blogging are gone now.

More or less that is!

1. I was on dial up.

2. I was a sporadic poster. Thanks to #1, I had to plan when I did my entries and posted them on queue, being online only when it was need be so I didn't waste valuable internet credits. It was rather... planned. Structured. I didn't like it.

3. Because of me being unable to go online much or write for the moment (then let the dial up credits go by while I try to write... We all know, it can be pretty slow at times. D:) I learned to journal offline and became more dependent on that. To the point I abandoned my LJ already. : /

4. I just didn't have anything to say anymore.

As a lot know, #1 does not exist anymore.

So why don't I blog anymore?

#3 and #4 really.

Though to be quite honest, I rarely write on my offline journals too and it's really mosly just #4.

This brings back to mind a conversation I had with Ria on MSN about blogging.

Back then, we blogged... It was fun and liberating. Blogging was something done so effortlessly. We loved what we did. But as time came by, blogging was... You had to write everything and anything, even take pics if need be. You had to do an overly detailed something. I don't know. We both felt somehow that through years... We somehow lost the charm of youth that our older entries had.

It was funny.

It was witty.

It was easy.

Doesn't help that personally, I've lost the impulse to write about my life. As the years have gone by, my life is anything but eventful and worth sharing. If I wrote about my life within the last four years, it would be a story of disappointment and hurt. I just didn't see the point of writing about these. It felt like crying. Sure it felt good to rant and scream at the open beyond since you couldn't do it openly to whoever it was intended to or just let it out but it really doesn't do much to help the situation. At some point, blogging felt like a way for me to heal a little but those littles... Life just had a way to supersede the littles and make them look so pointless to have a dosage have since the little cures still wouldn't help me through the do. It just wouldn't do...

My life...is boring really. The only thing that seems to make it dramuh-worthy is the string of angry fits towards how practically everything just doesn't go my way: to myself or others. Usually others but there's more impact when I disappoint myself really. -_-;

I look at people's blogs and can't help but feel a little bit of envy since they're living eventful lives and are able to share about them. I look back into myself and wonder what happened to the time that passed by and why in the world did I just let it go without doing anything 'eventful'.

The more recent entries the last few so and so haven't been blog entries to me. They're more like complaints from an angry mind day after day after day... There is nothing but complains posted and it makes me go, 'Wait a minute, is there NOTHING happy to write about?!'

My reflections have gone beyond blogging and have made me want to examine my own life, realizing just how... blah it is. I keep saying it's not my fault but in a way, we can't really go on blaming everybody else. Though yes, it is true that instances in life happen where we just end up not being able to do anything and stuff aren't within our hands---in a way, it partially happens because of circumstances we allow ourselves to be in that's why we can't. Life ain't a one way street. : /

Events in our lives don't happen without our interferences.

But...

Have we been so submissive? Like we simply allow things to happen while we suffer it's aftermath: hurting us even after the event has come to pass for such a long time already. We don't want to fight and just let things come. Who do we blame? Ourselves? Others? Environment?

It's like...

I want to take more in control of my life, like never before. I never was since well I am still young and pretty much living a parasite/dependent existence with my family. I'm still a student and am not allowed to work just yet.

I want to do things that I really want to do without much intervention.

I want to be free.

I want to be happy.

I want to take a more active role in life and not just let people decide for me since I can't just have that all my life. Even if it's been the way things have often been for me. I only make little decisions. Nothing major and life changing much.

Then again, who doesn't want that for themselves right?

I may not blog as much... Having lost that blogging impulse or the feel to openly share things of my life -nothing eventful has really happened much to anyway- at least the very most I can probably do is still remain a living presence by commenting and such.

Too bad, I just can't get back to the almost daily entry bit.

Maybe in the future.

Who knows...

But right now, I can't blog anymore. There's nothing to blog about.

And that I actually want a life. Technically I never had my own to live since pretty much a lot of what has been was already cut and ready to sew for me by others, making it simply just a matter of finishing the dress up to me. Figurative. :P

I think, more than anything---that's the most important thing.
31st-Jul-2008 10:42 pm - OMG. FINALLY A DEFAULT USERPIC!!!
Oichi - Basara
...That's all what I wanted to say 8D

Since for all of my LJ life on this account I've NEVER had a default icon. o.o;;

-throws confetti-

XD

I need to post something substantial soon...
7th-Jul-2008 07:04 pm - HELLO LJ!
Rion - Breaking Point
QUESTION OF THE DAY (or until I can get around to actually thinking of another question that is)

IS IT JUSTIFIED TO 'FALL IN LOVE' WITH ANOTHER GIRL WHILE YOU'RE HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOME OTHER GIRL?

PROFESSING THAT YOU WANT TO BE WITH HER.

SAYING YOU LOVE HER.

BUT ARE STILL WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

SOMEONE ELSE WHO YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH AND ARE HAVING RELATIONSHIP TROUBLES WITH.

JUST A LITTLE MORE THAN YOU'D BREAK WITH YOUR CURRENT.

...IS IT?

8D

Explain.

That is all!
27th-Oct-2007 04:12 am - BUH. HOW... I don't know what to say.
Rion - Breaking Point
I'm twitching at the moment...

From the Ad for a RP on Mene, she seemed LITERATE enough not to give me such short replies and seemed serious enough for it.

...Then when we finally RP.

The grammar's bad and it's choppy.

Plus when did you hear a vampire who EATS CARROT AND CHICKEN LIVER.

OH COME ON. A VAMPIRE...EATING HUMAN FOOD.

>______________________________________>

How lame.

*shifty eyed*
____

I need an icon of Naruto with the text 'n00b r u!'

Or something like that. Gyahahahaha...

Must make. Can't depend on others to make for me or to just pluck it out from nowhere.

-rolls-
22nd-Oct-2007 04:40 am - She goes her waaaay...
Kureha - Kuon
It never ceases to move me how... this song by Within Temptation makes me feel so in love all over again with Her.

XD

It's really awesome IMO.

^^
___

Wee.

November's almost around the corner.

I am actually excited for the whole NanoWrimo thing.

I'm kind of joining and will be writing a fanfic for it.

Do do do.

Yes. Even with the buzz about the 2nd graphic/fiction awards, I was more excited for Nanowrimo.

I had no entry to begin with. I was tired and my brain was all fuzz from all the drama so I really can't join.

Interesting the idea and feeling of being there it may be... I don't feel it enough -.-;

Sorry.

So thar. But there's next year anyway. :D

This post is basically just to kind of remind myself that this year, I WILL join the Nanowrimo and hopefully finish the fic.

I'm more for actually finishing or reaching some significant length with it.

>.> Which I feel I don't really get to do... since i'm lazy and I often lack motivation.

RL bites...hard and with fangs and venom at times.

D:

Oh well.

Hence random 4:00 AM post!
20th-Oct-2007 01:58 pm - *smiles*
Shinji - Kaoru
<a href="http://www.yueying.net/dw/?quiz=female" title="Takethis quiz!"><imgsrc="http://www.yueying.net/dw/_imgs/quizzes/female/diao_chan.gif"alt="Dynasty Warriors Female Quiz result: Diao Chan" /></a>
16th-Oct-2007 12:01 am - o:
Oichi - Basara
This song reminds me of Marius and Armand oddly enough.

I have an actor in mind who can play Armand based on looks alone but I don't know if he can act the role.

The problem is... He's older now. :D
___

Anyway enough for randomness.

I haven't been updating here too much.

Finals...are almost over.

The two exams I've been dreading are done.

I just need to accomplish some things and I'll be fine.

I don't treat the impromptu debate thing as an exam much oddly enough :P

Then there's the oral exam on Thursday. Still not fazzed about it.

Then defense.

...I'm happy I managed to bargain some time that I can defend my proposal on a later date.

I haven't made it yet. :D

._.

I want to have a male! Viera character or at least something with bunny ears.

But D: I don't want anymore stories to write or do unless they're RPs!

...Why is it so hard to find people to RP with who are sane?

*whines*
30th-Sep-2007 07:56 am - -screams her head off-
Rion - Breaking Point
There is someone who I've met on y! gallery who just pisses me off.

She's a few months older than me and just like someone who has ruined me on Gaia.

She hasn't exactly ruined me but rather made me feel ruined about being on Gaia and shit...

She just has to be so immature.

And rude.

Thank you so much.

Sorry to say this but it makes me question the quality of your schooling there where you're at.

Or maybe you had bad parents.

Whatever causes your horrible attitude, I wish that you drop your dolls face first and they break their noses.

Or they split some part of their doll joints.

And yes I am terrible enough to wish for such bad things to happen because she is just so downright rude.

I keep getting reminded I'm 20 and she's almost 21 when we talk.

Why?

Because she's way too immature and so many other ugly things.

...Haha. I know I have my share of defects but don't worry, I try to make the most and tweak myself whenever I can.

I don't know about her though.

Eew. I've gotten myself infected!

When people send me stuff over, I keep going I can't! I'm on dial up.

That's often her reason when she wants to be lazy and doesn't want to research about BJD stuff and just wants things spoon fed to her.

Or if you send her youtube links.

Impatience.

Grr.

She sucks. She ruins my day.

D:

I got so upset two other days about something she did I actually went out of my way to go ask an expert about ethics to give me a more stable grounding on what I was about to say. I wanted to retaliate to her overly rude reply on the forum and somehow shame her in the process.

Or something like that.

I wish it were easier to just write down/type what I felt for her.

It's mostly screams and screeches accompanied by painful nail scratches on blackboards or metal scrapping against wood.

And lots of terrible images.
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